The Essence of Everything

First I drowned in a sea of rage, then I awoke in a desolate wasteland, graveyard of souls. I wandered alone through the mists and the fog, and finally slept by the shore of a lonely ocean. I awoke in a whole new world, so blindingly bright my eyes still burn.

Do me, yourself, and everyone you know a favor. Stop getting pissy with people for being judgemental. The entire thought behind “judgemental” is stupid anyway.  Humans are animals, just like everything else. We HAVE to judge our surroundings. We do it all the time. Any new friend you make, you judged whether or not you’d have anything in common with them. You judged things they said, and weighed it against your own thoughts and beliefs to see how much you would mesh.

Without judging others you also can’t know yourself and move on yourself.  We learn from our surroundings, people, places and things. We compare ourselves to those we consider family, and friends. And here’s the real kicker:  you can’t move on psychologically, you can’t learn past a certain point WITHOUT judging people around you. Without judging them based on your personal views, because it is the action mentally of HAVING the views that allows you to judge them, and it also allows you to learn more about why you think the way you do. 

Judge not lest ye be judged yourself? I like that.  Why? Because it gives you a stronger character.  Why NOT try to be the best person you can be??

I’ve had sooo many people recently make little comments about how now that I am so close to giving birth I must be sick of being pregnant, all these little things about how I must be “so sick of having this thing in me” and how I must not be able to wait to “get this thing out of me” etc…  Am I really odd? I don’t.  I don’t dislike having Aedric in me. I don’t dislike that my body has gained 40+ lb. I don’t find that the discomfort when it occurs outweighs the fact that my body has done something AWESOME and produced a new human life.

I am at peace with it. I don’t mind that I’m past my due date. I don’t feel like this has dragged on indefinitely. I am going to miss being pregnant when I give birth.

I don’t get why people put so many little labels on everything, like pregnancy means that you are grouchy and irritated that your body has changed etc… I am happy with the changes. I’m even okay with knowing that I will probably have stretch marks for years, if not the rest of my life. I’m okay with the minor back pain.

I’m okay with all of it.  What I’m not okay with now is seeing all these parents being cruel to their kids, acting like their kids are adults and should “know better”.  Guess what? You gave birth to a new human being. This little person DOESN’T know anything except for what you teach them and what they learn from other people that you expose them to.

When your child starts crying, screaming over her loudly and acting like she’s being this horrible person for being upset and saying (and this is a quote from the DHS office just this morning) “YEAH, JUST KEEEEEEEEP SCREAMING. KEEP CRYING. I DIDN’T HIT YOU. KEEEEEEEEEP SCREAMING, MAKE EVERYONE LOOK. KEEEP DOING IT. GO AHEAD.”

How the HELL does that help the situation? Gah. More on that later.

I’m going to just start posting things that come to my head as I need to to vent them, because as a writer I get lots of little thoughts and I box them up and pack them away because, honestly, on my FB I don’t think everyone wants to read all of them all the time.

They will be all opinions most likely, ranging from topics that are political in nature, or observations about society, or just random tangents that pop into my head.  If you don’t like it, don’t follow me. Creeper.  Also, how does this hash tag shit work?

Life’s been kinda crazy. On the 4th of August we got kicked out and lived in a mission for 3 weeks before finally being able to make it back to Portland, where we were denied services (even though I’m 6 months pregnant..) I’m now staying (with my husband) with a friend until we get on our feet, and my best friend promised that when he gets into his apartment this winter Jason and I can move in, period. So, sorry I haven’t been online much. Lost a few “friends” who thought that I should sell my (really tiny) laptop to get money and that I whined too much about my problems, but no big loss there.. Anyone who thinks that getting 100 dollars MAYBE out of a laptop is worth it when you’re homeless and looking for work is not very intelligent.

It amazes me a little how cruel and illogical people can be.  But, anyway, I have a work experience I’m working on setting up, it’ll be 15 hours a week for 5 weeks at 8.50 an hour. Better than nothing! I’ll try to keep you all updated soon.  Also, check out katastrophicthoughts.blogspot.com, it’s my blog (Sorta.. Not so much a personal one, more of an opinion one) :)

My memories were limited, but somehow I just knew, to the core of my being that I had no idea where this was. On a fundamental level, I was transposed to a new location. I had never seen anything like it. The colors of the trees were so vibrant, they hurt my eyes. They weren’t just greens.. In fact only a few were the greens of the Earth I was only just beginning to remember. I felt as though I had woken up from a dream, and was in a surreal world where nothing mattered, nothing was real. Existence itself was a dream to me. I had sat up in surprise at this point, and a sharp pang of terror shot through me as I looked straight on. The sheer vibrancy of the oranges, purples, blues, and pinks.. even yellow was present. It was as if I had stepped into a world of rainbows. I glanced down at the grass and noticed that even it was abnormal to what I had known. It was shining, as if made of a translucent glass, but it still bent and stretched and didn’t slice me.
I looked over my body to attempt to get my bearings, to understand what had happened to me, where I was. All I saw were kind of faded, very faded shades of green for my clothes, almost like military surplus army bags. But there were pockets on the front of my jacket and the sides of my pants. My boots were sturdy, and everything felt almost new. The boots felt as though I had worn them for a few weeks and was used to them, but the clothes hung a little heavy on me, as if they weren’t sure where to conform to my body.
I patted my chest, feeling the pockets for clues, and came upon a swiss army knife, which I snickered at for reasons I didn’t know at the time, it just felt like dark, wry amusement. The only other things I found were seemingly random junk. I hefted myself to my feet and swayed slightly. I automatically touched the back of my head, and it came away blood free, so I just struggled to endure the vertigo. The gravity and fields of this planet were different, it felt simultaneously as if the air were lighter, and as if I weighed more. It was disconcerting to say the least.
Glancing around, I didn’t see any immediate houses nearby, it all seemed to be woods and trees. I remembered “Earth” quite well, and had no memories of a move or transformation on Earth, or memories of humans needing to leave Earth. I had a vague momentary dream-like memory of something to do with wormholes and quantum theory and the headache came back, driving it away like flies. With a sigh, the only thing I could think of was to walk in the direction I was facing, as I had been laying in a gap in the forest, as if it were a path cut out of the trees, so travelers knew where to go.
It felt awkward and odd, and just as I turned to leave I realized that there was a bag laying on the ground a little distance from me, as if I had landed fairly hard and it had jolted the backpack from me. I slowly walked over to it, and knelt down beside it to look inside.